Summary
Coming soon!
Transcript
Go ahead and stand with me to your feet. I'm gonna read today's key scripture this morning. open with prayer. It says this, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world "but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. "Then you will be able to test and approve "what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will." Father God, we just welcome you here and into this moment, Lord. And we pray that our hearts and our minds are open to your word.
And as we learned today about relationships and being connected, Father, I pray that our hearts will just be open to your spirit, that you would shape and mold the words that are shared today in a way in which they impact the way, not only that we think about ourselves and our connections with others, but Father God, in a way in which we open ourselves to see the goodness that you've created all around us.
Father God, we thank you for this time together. It's in your holy name we pray, amen.
You may be seated, you may be seated.
Man, I am excited to be here with you this week.
I ran into Jacob in the restroom right before church and he said, "How can I pray for you?" He said, "Pray that I speak English well this morning. I've been at a marriage retreat, like a small group marriage thing this last week." And the whole thing, well, the vast majority of it was in Spanish. And so I was speaking a lot more Spanish than I used to listening to a lot more Spanish than I usually do. And I have caught myself a couple of times being like saying some real redneck Spanish things, which is my goto move.
And so it's gonna be fun, but we had a good week this last week. We were up in Minnesota.
Some of you guys know Danny and Stephanie Gutierrez. They send their love. They're very excited for the next time they get to come and be with you guys and it's gonna be really good. But today we're continuing our series on spiritual formation. And actually this is the end of this particular series or this particular set of groups talking about spiritual formation. This is the last week. We're gonna start something different next week kind of honing in on a specific practice.
But as kind of a recap, maybe some of you have been here for all, I think this is a week . Maybe you've been here for all weeks or maybe you've missed one or two. But I wanna just give kind of a quick recap of where we've been because today's kind of like this little bow, like kind of this little extra additional thing that I think is gonna be really impactful this morning. But these are just some things and this is kind of loosely in the order that we've covered it. We talked about attachment and connection and how important it is for us and our ability to change and to grow and to mature, to be attached and have secure relationships. And not only with other people but specifically with God himself and the trust that comes with that. We looked at the need for the Holy Spirit in our lives and how he can bring joy and prepare our hearts to be able to receive the change and the new things that he has for us. We talked about what discipleship looks like or formation looks like being an apprentice of Jesus, knowing him better so that we can show him better in ways in our lives and every era of our life.
We had this idea of like spiritual formation is not just something that you choose to do, it's something that's already happening. You've already been formed in some way. You're being formed currently and we get to participate in what that journey looks like in choosing how our spiritual formation happens. And we looked at the, when we form ourselves in the way of Jesus, we're actually doing counter formation. We're being counter cultural to what's happening, what the world wants to do and how it wants to shape us and move forward us. And we do all this with the intention of being able to live and love the way that Jesus does in our lives. And then in the last couple of weeks, we went through and we talked about what it looks like when we have to go through pain and suffering and how God can meet us in pain and suffering, what it looks like when we have to walk through and find forgiveness from sin that's done by us or done to us or done around us and how we walk through that. And then last week, we talked about what it looks like to create a rule of life, like to institute certain practices and habits in our lives that create space and opportunity for God to move, for God to shape us, for God to work inside of us. And then that gets us to where we're at today.
And there's this, today we're gonna be talking about kind of the secret sauce, the multiplier effect, the thing that will take all this stuff that we talked about and give us this just, this better chance for it to really take hold and for it to be successful in our lives. You know, there's a saying, and there's a couple of things we'll hear today. There's a saying that every time I hear it, I kind of, I wholeheartedly agree with it and I also personally hate it. And if you're like me, maybe you'll be the same way or maybe you'll be like, no, I think it's great. And it's the old saying that says, "If you wanna go fast, go alone, but if you wanna go far, go together."
I hate that because I just wanna go fast.
I'm just like Ricky Bobby. Like that's all I wanna do. I just wanna go fast. I just wanna get there fast. And my mind is like, yeah, I can go with other people and they can go, but then I'm constantly leaving people behind. Like I just, like I try all the time. Sometimes my family, we go on hikes, we like to go on walks, we like to go on hikes. And usually I always tell myself, this time, this hike, I'm just gonna be in the back of the group, the back of the pack. I'm just gonna hang out back here and I'm just gonna follow and it's gonna be great. It's just gonna be whatever pace the family sets is the pace that I'm gonna go.
And that usually lasts seconds. And then somehow I'm in the front. And then usually within minutes I turn around and my whole family's gone. It's just me. I'm on a hike by myself at this point, right? But boy, I'm covering a lot of ground at really high speeds. It's really great. But here's the thing. We know this and we talk about this. In our life's journey, in our life's journey, men and women were designed to be in community, to not be alone. That's the very first thing that God says is not good, is it's not good for man to be alone. We understand this in theory, but it's not just in our daily life, in our spiritual journey and in the process of being formed and in our discipleship process, it is so important for us to live in a life of community,
a life in community, a life with others who have likeminded faith and beliefs. And here's some information. I'm gonna give you some stats for all the stat nerds out there for a couple different things. And this is just in secular habits. It can be true about spiritual habits, but it's also true about anything, whether it's like changing your diet or exercising or starting something or stopping something. There's these things. So the American Society for Training and Development, right? They did a big study about like setting up goals or habits or new things. And after studying, I can't remember how many thousands of people they studied. They give you a percentage based on your preparedness and steps that you take, and they'll tell you what percentage chance you have of actually making that goal become a reality. Because we've all made like a new year resolution that didn't make it past January nd. We've all done these different things like, starting tomorrow, I'm eating really clean. And then you're like, tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow's always tomorrow. It's never today. And so we always get into these little journeys, but here's some interesting things, right? And if you go through the U version notes, some of the stat is in there. But so here's the first thing. If you just have an idea or a goal, like you just have the idea, like I'm gonna start working out, that idea,
you've got a % chance of making it. % chance, you had the idea, %, okay? Now, if you consciously decide, you know what? Not only do I have the idea, I'm going to do it. I decided in my mind, it is so. You now have a % chance of actually doing it. I'm gonna start reading my Bible tomorrow and I'm gonna do it. % chance, that's all right.
And then if you go a step further and you decide, not only am I going to do it, not only have I decided I'm gonna do it, I'm even gonna set a time. I'm gonna do it tomorrow at a.m.
That's when I'm gonna read my Bible, right? So you set a time, you got a % chance. And then if you go a step further and you actually plan, like I planned how I'm gonna do it, I know where I'm gonna sit, I know how I'm gonna get some space, I know where my Bible is, my reading light is charged, my readers are ready to go, right? All this kind of stuff, like you're ready.
You got a % chance.
. Those are still not great odds on an idea that you came up with that you decided you're gonna do that you made a plan for and even set a time for. You've only got % chance of making it happen.
That's not the odds that I like. Now, but listen to this.
If you create a goal and you communicate it to someone else,
you commit to it to someone else, you tell them, hey, starting tomorrow, a.m. every day, I'm reading my Bible.
You do that, you have a % chance of making it happen. Now, that's a lot better. is a lot better, I like that.
But here's what's even wilder.
It increases to % chance of success
if you say, and I want you to check in on me once a week.
Once a week, let's check in on this and see how I'm doing.
You have a % chance of making it happen, whatever it is. This doesn't matter what the thing is. Because in community and in relationship and in accountability and camaraderie and teamwork, it totally changes the way and the emphasis that our minds and our bodies put on these different things. There's some other really amazing things that talked about people who joined a group. So for example, instead of I'm gonna work on my own, you join a group that doesn't have a group fitness and you have a teammate or whatever, you join a sports team, that you're twice as likely to maintain that habit as those who go over time. They did a study in weight loss and people who do weight loss in a group in which there's like a weekly meeting and I'm weighing and all this kind of stuff, they lose three times more weight than people just choose to do weight loss on their own and their own individual thing. And there's this great book, if you haven't read it, it's called Atomic Habits by James Clear. And he says this, this great quote, it says, "One of the most effective things you can do "to build better habits is to join a culture "where your desired behavior is the normal behavior."
Because you see, we all of a sudden become like the community that we hang around with.
If your best friend starts working out tomorrow, you are significantly more likely, you are significantly more likely to start working out
because your best friend did. But guess what? If you worked out with your best friend every day and then your best friend decides, I'm never working out again tomorrow,
the exact same percentage chance, I believe it's like % chance of you starting to work out when they start to work out, that's the same chance that you'll quit when your best friend quits.
When Vivi was pregnant with our four boys,
she did what all women do when you're pregnant, which is she gained weight because she's growing a human being inside of them, right? But wouldn't you know it, I also gained weight all four pregnancies.
And the difference was, I was not growing a human being inside of me,
but I did it every time and maybe in a greater percentage. And again, I didn't just evacuate a child at the end of this process, it was still there.
Why? Because it was like, well, if she's eating more often, I'm eating more often. If she has weird cravings, then I'm gonna have weird cravings. If she is getting a bigger belly, you know what? I'm gonna get a bigger belly. Why?
Because that's what we do.
Humans begin to adapt and to change to what we see in community. And this is just strictly in the natural, right? Our process in this whole spiritual formation thing that we're walking through as a church, this is not like, hey, now you're an expert, this is an invitation to a lifelong journey, and it's an invitation to a lifelong journey that's not meant to be done alone. Are there elements of your formation that's very personal and very intimate is between you and God? Absolutely. But so much of what we walk through as believers is meant to be done in community. If we look at Jesus and when he called his followers, his disciples, his apprentices, like even in Mark chapter one, verse , when he says, "Come follow me," Jesus says, "and I will send you out to fish for people." And at once, they left their nets and followed him. When you realize the calling was not ever just to one person to be like, hey, you're gonna become my oneonone apprentice, it was always a calling to come and join a community,
to join other people. You're gonna be joining with other people. And in Jesus' disciples case, it's like you're gonna be joining other people who are different than you, different backgrounds than you, different beliefs than you, you probably won't get along with it, and yet we're gonna come together and we're gonna learn this new thing. You're gonna come together. And even this, Mark chapter three, verse , it says, "Jesus went on the mountainside and called to them those that he wanted, and they came to him. He appointed the that they may be with him, and he might send them out to preach." Jesus here in this moment creates these , and the numbers really significant because they're representing the new tribes of Israel that Jesus is creating this new family, this new identity, this new closeknit community
that gets to live together.
And what's amazing is, the word that's used equally, almost to the number, the same amount of times as calling believers apprentices of Jesus is the word brothers, the word brothers, that you're a brother, that Jesus is our elder brother and you are now brothers, and of course, by extrapolation, sisters of Christ, that you are adopted into this new idea and this new identity of family.
That when we walk into relationship with God, we create this new adaptation, this new result as being part of a family. And so the church is not just a building or just a service that we come to on Sundays at o'clock. Church is a family that comes together and is a family with many different backgrounds, many different cultures, many different ages, and many different stories, and yet through the relationship we have with Christ, we all become brothers and sisters in Christ in which we become a family that we're united together. That's why we can read about this in Galatians chapter three where Peter says, "For those who are baptized in Christ and have been clothed yourself with Christ, there's neither Jew or Gentile, slave or free, there's none male or female, for you're all one in Christ. And if you belong to Christ, then you're Abraham's seed and heirs according to Abraham's seed."
Because you see the person, the whole thing about spiritual formation is not just that I become a person who's transformed by love, but that the community that I'm a part of becomes transformed by love. That it's not just a me thing, it's a we thing. That we get to walk in this process together because it's important for us to be formed and to be transformed by Christ.
And this is what we get to walk through.
Jesus talks about, and you've heard this, what's the greatest commandment? And his answer, the short version of the answer is, love God and love others.
And what you have to realize is, if I separate myself from community, if I isolate myself from community, then there's no opportunity for me to love others. But I'll even go a step further, that if you separate yourself from community, there's no opportunity for you to be loved by others. And you need to be loved by others.
You need to have relationships that love you in the way that God loves you and that challenges you and that helps you in this whole process in which that we get to be formed into the image of God. Now, here's the thing.
We get these opportunities, and we'll talk about some of this. I have these conversations all the time, not all the time, that's an exaggeration, regularly, with people who say, you know what? I think my spiritual development, my spiritual growth, is a personal thing, it's between me and God, and it's no one else's business.
It's no one else's business, it's just for me.
And I often, and I often, I mean, every time, push back against that idea.
Because although there's very intimate moments that you can have between you and God, God always, and in every example in the New Testament, God is always bringing other people, human beings, to partner with Him, to create community and culture that we get to rally around that encourages us, that we encourage other people, that helps us grow, that is in relationships and in these intimate moments that we find some of the deepest healing and the deepest growth and the deep, and I'm not talking about hundreds of people, I'm talking about in a really small, tightknit community.
And even the practice, we'll talk about those later, but even the practice of solitude, right? Like this biblical idea of being alone with God. Here's the whole thing. God's desire, and He wants this for us, is that we have moments in our lives, in a regular basis, in which we can practice this idea of solitude, meaning we remove ourselves from the distractions, both physical distractions, that we have other people, maybe digital distractions like phones, we remove ourselves, so that we can be in the presence of a loving God, and in that presence, we are fully known, we are fully seen, and we open ourselves up to what God can do in that moment. But you see, in solitude, you are not alone.
You are in oneonone time with the one who created you, who knows you intimately, and who sees you. So in solitude, you are actually in your fullest state of being known and being seen. Now, the opposite is true because the enemy, he doesn't want you to be in solitude, the enemy wants you to be in isolation.
So the enemy wants you to be isolated so that you can be alone. And what's amazing about isolation is, is when you allow the enemy to isolate your mind and your heart, you can be in a room just like this and still feel like you're totally alone, and not seen, and not known.
Because the enemy wants you separated, and God wants you united. Everything that God's desire for you is, the enemy is the exact opposite. So when God said it's not good for man to be alone, that you should be together in community, the enemy says, you alone is exactly where I want you because it's an alone that you'll believe more lies about who you are.
Because no one else is there to say, that's not true.
That's not true.
It's one of the most powerful, profound things that happened in the garden. One of these story, whenever God went and found Adam and Eve after they had sinned and they had hidden from him, and they had sewn the clothes of the fig leaves, and they went to, and God said, where are you? And they said, we're here, we're hiding, because we're naked and we were ashamed.
And God's answer was, who told you you were naked?
Who told you that?
I didn't tell you you were naked, but someone else did.
Often we believe certain things in our mind, and God's answer is, who told you you were dumb?
Who told you you were broken? Who told you you were never gonna heal from that? Who told you that divorce ended your life? Who told you that you'll always be an alcoholic? Who told you you never break free from porn? Who told you that lust is just a part of who you are and you can never shake it? Who told you that? And the person that is telling you those things is not the person who wants to be alone with you, and in a loving relationship, is the person who wants you to be isolated and afraid,
because you will believe lies when you're isolated and afraid.
When you're in the presence of God in solitude, all of a sudden he says, no, no, no, that's not true. But the whole point of solitude with God is not meant to be there forever. It's meant to be charged, changed, transformed, and then sent out.
Jesus often went into solitude and often found those wild waste places where he could go into prayer on the mountain tops and the deserts and things. He often went into solitude with God, but so that he could go out and share the good news of Jesus with other people.
That was his whole point. And then he'd go back into solitude with God. And then he'd go back out with the people. That was the whole thing. Now, maybe you're sitting here and you're like, I've got friends, I've got things, I wanna share a little bit of theory for you. This is called Relationship Theory . Get ready, your minds are gonna be really opened up today. No, I'm just kidding. There's this great thing that was created as an idea by an anthropologist called Dr. Robin Dunbar. And she created this theory that people are still utilizing today, and it's really cool. And you can read a lot more about it than we'll share about today, but it's called Dunbar's Number. And she has this theory that's talking about that in our lives, we have these different circles of friendship, like a number of people. There's you in the center, and then there's circle of relationships that become the number that gets larger and larger as those relationships expand and get further and further away from you. So you in the circle is like you.
But then there's this first circle of relationships that she calls Intimates, which should be more than one person,
but less than five.
This theory that's been tested and brought out in many ways goes to show that you can only have up to five intimate friendships, and by intimate relationships, I mean people that know who you are, both the good and the bad, and they love you anyways. That you are fully vulnerable with, that you are fully transparent with, and that they're fully vulnerable and fully transparent with you. That this reciprocal relationship is something that you have this intimate relationship with. It could be a spouse, it could be a parent, it could be a best friend, it could be another kind of relative, but that there's this limited number. And unfortunately, because of the culture and the society that we're living in today, many people have zero people that are in this actual range.
They don't have a relationship with their parents anymore.
They don't have a spouse that they actually are open with. They're guarded and they're broken.
And they have no one in this intimate circle
in which they can be known and they can be seen in their life.
And you're not supposed to have hundreds of intimate friends.
Some people are like, "Everyone's my best friend. "Not everyone can be your best friend."
You have a limit of the number of relationships that you can invest in.
Now, who's in that circle may change over time, over your life, but that's the first circle. And then you have this idea of close friends.
You can handle up to close friends.
People that you do life with, people that you go on vacation with, people that you hang out regularly, people that you live in community with, people that you go and take turns, go to each other's houses. Like you can have close friends.
You can celebrate, you do birthdays, close friends. And then the circle expands a little bit more. You can have friends.
Now for some of you are like, I think I have more than friends. And then for some of you are like, I don't even have the close friends.
friends. Like people that are friends, that you occasionally hang out with, that you occasionally see, that you occasionally are in community with, that you see, that you know, that you have history with, that you have conversations with, like you have close friends, or regular friends you have interactions with, and different various. You friends, friends, different things.
And then the next one it becomes, they start to use a little different language. And it goes out to a circle of people, and they call that the village.
And this is people, it's the max number of people that you can actually be in, a personal relationship with in some capacity.
people, that you can know their name, they can know your name, that you can know a little bit about, that you can interact on some kind of regular basis. And they call it the village, because often in history, and when you study different societies, like of these little communities will always be. And if you look in military history, was the size of these units, that people would do, it was a really significant number, because that's basically the max amount of size, and which you can know everyone, and still have relationship with.
And when you get further than that, it becomes really, really difficult. , like your brain is like almost prewired for some of this. And then anything more than is your tribe, it's something that you are a part of, and that you associate with, but you don't know everyone in it.
So even in a room like this, you're here at Destiny Church, there's other people who go to Destiny Church, but there's more than people, and you don't know everybody in this room. You're part of the same tribe, but you don't know everyone here.
Maybe you've seen them, and you're like, "I've seen that guy before."
But you don't know.
Sometimes this can be, well how people can be part of the tribe, and they're like, "Hey, I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan, "that's part of my tribe, "and I identify with that, that's who I am."
Some people have other tribes, it could be their political party, it could be a sports team, it could be some other kind of big entity that they consider to be, but ultimately as Christians, not only should we be part of the tribe of Destiny Church, but we're part of the bigger church, like we're part of a bigger tribe that exists, like that is the identity and the community of who I am.
And this principle that we see, this Dunbar's principle, surprise, surprise, Jesus models this almost to perfection.
Jesus had his intimate circle,
Peter, James, and John, I would also argue his mom was in that circle, Mary,
that he would often retreat where it was just those people, and he had special moments just with those close friends. And then he had the friends, the close friend circle, he had the , and then there was other people, Mary and Martha and Lazarus, they were in this close friend group. Wasn't everybody.
Jesus didn't say, "I'm gonna be friends with everybody." Jesus said, "I can handle like to ."
And even one of those, it didn't go so well.
So if you're like, "One of my close friends betrayed me," Jesus too.
It happens.
Then later in Luke chapter , this number's a little different, but he sends out the .
He has these people, this closer group he sends out. And then in the upper room, there's people in this upper room, people like in this community,
that after Jesus died, they were waiting like, "Hey, we're here, we're this village of Jesus."
And then it says that after his resurrection, people, and it says that after his resurrection, people saw him.
Jesus has these circles in his very life in which he interacted with. And he interacted with the different groups differently.
The way he interacted with Peter, James and John was different than how he interacted with the , which was different than he interacted with the , which is different than he interacted with the , it's different than he interacted with the . But you need people in every circle of this relationship for your opportunity to be known and to know others,
to be listened to, to be heard, to be felt, to have this experience of talking.
You know, they've done some neurological studies and they said that when you have a conversation with a close friend and they just sit there and they just create space for you to talk and to share what's going on in your heart, and you at the end of that moment, you feel like you were heard and that you're known better, that neurologically, there's no difference between what you're feeling in that moment of being heard in a conversation than someone who experiences like what they would be considered unconditional love. The brain views those things exactly the same. Being loved unconditionally and being given space to be heard and to be known and to be vulnerable and transparent with, like the brain sees those two things exactly the same.
Because you're meant to have these relationships in which you can be open and honest. And in our spiritual formation,
the place where we see some of the largest growth will come through the context of those, either that's intimate or close friend relationships.
Because those are the places that we can share what's going on in our lives and be open and honest in these things. But just because you have some of them doesn't mean that they're necessarily going to create spiritual formation.
Because the idea or the concept of spiritual relationships or spiritual friendships is something that we get to decide on our own.
Because you can have a close friend or an intimate friend,
but if you don't make the choice to say, "Hey, I desire something to be grown "and I want our relationship to have this element to it," then it won't just naturally happen. Or maybe for some of you it will and for some of you it won't. But the idea of having a spiritual friendship, a spiritual friendship has three different characteristics that you can maybe say, "Hey, this is spiritual friendship." And you can maybe kind of use this as like a litmus test. But do I have any spiritual friendships? The first is the depth of the relationship.
Do you talk about deep things?
And by deep things, I mean, do you talk about the good things, the bad things, the hard things, the struggles, the sin, the hurts, the wounds? Like, do you have somebody that you can go and not only share what you're dealing with, but also listen to what they're doing with? Do you have relationships that have depth?
Not just, and by the way, these relationships are good. Again, they're just in their appropriate circle. Like, "Did you catch the game last week? "That was great. "Oh, what about the weather? "It's really hot, isn't it?" Like, I have different statements that I say based on how close in the circle you are.
Even in my greeting, weather's somewhere in that group
and you have to be from Oklahoma because that's what we like to talk about, the weather.
We're all meteorologists here. We're just one step away from Trav calling me up. I know he's gonna call me up any day
and I'm ready for some spinups.
Do you have depth in these relationships? Not with everyone, but do you have people that you can say, "I'm struggling with this?" And sometimes this is hard because you have to be vulnerable and open and honest to say, "Hey, can we talk about this? "Do we have the type of relationship "that we can share this kind of thing?
"Are you willing to be that type of friend to me?" And that's really vulnerable because they could say no.
"Nah, let's just keep it talking football." "Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, yeah, "we're just football friends."
That's fine, that may happen.
But the fear of that happening is actually greater than the risk of it actually happening
because more than likely, they're also at the same place of being like, "I just do really wish "I had someone to unburden this idea, "this thing I'm struggling with. "I wish I had someone I could talk with in that way."
Right, so is there depth? The second thing is there's a vulnerability.
On your vulnerable and transparent and honest, do you tell truth and listen?
Come together in weakness and strength. Like this vulnerability, being vulnerable is really hard. There's certain personalities, there's certain types of people who are really gonna be vulnerable and there's certain personalities, certain types, that it's really hard to be vulnerable.
I really struggle to be vulnerable sometimes.
And thank goodness God's really working in my life. My wife has no problem being vulnerable.
Like that's just how she's wired.
But we get to have these relationships and so opening up and being like, "Hey, can you be?" And in fact, being vulnerable is probably the number one thing in the last five years that God has asked me to do in my life, is will you be vulnerable?
When I go to different things, when I'm having different experiences, when I'm going to different conversations, and I'm like, "God, what do you want me to say? "What do you want me to share? "How do you want me to talk? "Do you have any nuggets of wisdom? "Do you have any truth bombs you want me to do? "Do you have anything else?" And the number one thing that God says is, is just be vulnerable.
And I'm like, "Anything else? "Literally anything else?" You know what I mean?
Just that? Oh, okay.
Vulnerability.
And then the third one is,
and again, this is in this idea, is a commitment to transformation.
Did you say, "Hey, I'm inviting you into this relationship "in a way in which I'm committed to growing,
"and we're committed to growing, "and I want to see that." And I mean that, not just when I'm doing great, but like, maybe sometimes I need a hard truth told in love. And maybe I need to be reminded of truth. Maybe I need to be challenged. Maybe I need to be comforted sometimes, and sometimes I need to be confronted sometimes. Like, these are the things that happen that when we say, "Hey," when our whole goal is to say, "Hey, I want you to partner with me "and to partner with God and the Holy Spirit, "and creating transformation and spiritual health "and formation in my life,
"this is what I get to create."
Depth and vulnerability and a commitment. And then the third one is,
and that's not gonna be in the circle of people. That's not gonna be in the circle of people. It may be in that realm of , but it's more than likely gonna be those two, three, four, five people. Like, this is the person they get to go to.
And then we get to have these relationships.
And when you have these relationships, like, which you need, and maybe you have them and you just need to adjust some things, or maybe you don't even have them, and you're like, "Man, this is hard." When we understand what these relationships look like,
they unlock a new opportunity for us to see God move in our lives and be reminded of truth
and goodness and his power and his love and his mercy.
Because ultimately, and we've talked about this in different ways throughout the whole things,
we have desires in our life.
But truthfully, we sometimes have two desires that are at conflict.
You have the deepest desire of your life. And many of you, if we were to sit down and we were talking, it's like, what's the deepest desire? Like, what is the thing inside of you that you want the absolute most?
We would be talking about things in your relationship with God and the growth that you wanna see and the things that you would like to see removed by the love of God and the things that you'd like to see exposed by the healing power of God. And the thing, you would have these deep desires that you say, "This is what I desire more. "I want to live in a way in which I represent "the heart of God. "I want to be able to share God's goodness. "I wanna experience his love and mercy. "I wanna be free from guilt and shame." Like, there's these deep desires that are so core that you're like, "This is it. "And while I sit here, this is who I want "God's grace to transform me into."
But often at the same time,
you have these very strong desires.
But most often, the strongest desires in your life are not your deepest desires.
And very often, the strongest desires in your life are actually in conflict with your deepest desire.
This can be in very physical, practical things.
But it's definitely true in our spiritual things.
If I have a deep desire where every morning that I can wake up before anyone wakes up and I spend time in solitude with God, if that's my deep desire, but I have this really strong desire at o'clock to stay up like eating ice cream, the strong desire will subterfuge my deepest desire.
But often, we have strong desires that are in conflict to our deepest desires. And when you are alone in your head, those strong desires often will trick you, deceive you, because that is what the enemy has been doing from time in the beginning to deceive you because you're alone with your own thoughts. And those strong desires are manipulating you
and often can derail your deepest desire to be transformed into the image of God.
And through relationships,
you have someone who can partner with you and be with you. And when there's a moment when the strong desire that you know is maybe contrary to your deepest desire is coming up, you can go to that friend and say, "I'm dealing with this strong desire." Another biblical word would be temptation.
Can you help me? Can you pray for me? Can you remind me of what my deepest desire is?
And those relationships are there to hear you and to hold space for you and to say, "Hey, let me remind you of truth.
Let me confirm, yeah, this is your deepest desire." (Soft Music)
And this can be true in literally every category of our life. There's not an area in our life that these two things are not at war in.
And that often we have to lay down what is a strong desire so that we can attain and find our deepest desire.
And our close friends, our intimates, these relationships are what are these multipliers that God has that He's gifted us
so that we can have the support and the love and the encouragement around us that we need to feel seen, to feel safe and to return to the deep desire that God's placed inside of us.
And maybe you're here today and you say, "I agree with everything you're saying. This is great, but now I feel a little lost because I don't have those friends.
I don't have any intimate friends.
I don't have close friends. I don't have spiritual friends. I don't have people that I can talk this way in my life.
I don't have that person or those people that I can share and to be vulnerable with and be known and be open. I don't have that. It's not even I don't want to, I just, I don't have it."
First, that's a really hard place to feel like you're at.
But second, I believe God creates this invitation
that we can say, "God, can you bring these types of relationships to me?
Can you bring friends that are closer than a brother into my life and give me the courage to be vulnerable and open and transparent? Someone else who's a likeminded, who's looking for the same kind of, can you show me in my life where these are?"
And God and the Holy Spirit are good and faithful to open up these opportunities.
And maybe they'll bring someone up to your mind that you would have never expected, or maybe they would have showed you a relationship that you thought was long and over, or that you thought it could never be that way.
The invitation for us is to say, "God,
if this is something good that you have for me, our relationships are beneficial for me to walk in and to grow and to be challenged, if this is what then, can you show me where they are in my life?" But truthfully, whether you have them or you think, "I've got tons of friends," the opportunity and the question is the same, "God, who in my life am I called
to have these deep spiritual relationships with?"
Because you do wanna be wise, I'm telling you, if you're not called to be in a spiritual relationship with someone and you start dumping a lot of things on them that you're not supposed to, it will not be healthy and it will not be good for either of you.
It will not.
This process is not apart from the Holy Spirit. In fact, this may be the thing we need the greatest guidance because although the greatest healing that you can experience and some of the greatest love you can experience can come from deep, close, intimate relationships, more than likely you're sitting here and some of the greatest wounds you've ever experienced were from deep, close, intimate relationships.
Because that is the twoedged sword of walking in relationship with humans.
And that's hard and that's vulnerable and that's scary
to think I had that and then it broke and it hurt and so now I just don't wanna do it again. I wanna keep him at a distance. I don't want that type of friendship.
And that's hard to open up your heart, to trust again.
But God will lead you and God will show you exactly how this intimate process works
and can walk you through that and in those moments,
the sweetness of finding friendships in which you can unburden yourself
and all you see looking back to you is love.
That's the thing that continues to press you deeper and deeper into God's goodness
and his mercy and his truth in your life.
Stay with me while I pray for you today.
Father, today I just thank you for this church and I thank you for this community.
Lord, I thank you for the relationships and the connected life that is here that's represented all across this room.
Lord, and today as we talk about the power of relationships in our life,
Lord, if there's anyone who's here that's feeling like they don't have some of those things or they're lacking, Lord, I pray that your spirit would just encourage them, guide them, bring them, show them the type of relationships and the friendships that they need.
Lord, but for all of us,
for those who maybe have close relationships, but we guard parts of our hearts because we don't wanna open ourselves up to be fully known or we're worried we'll be rejected, Lord, help us be able to find the person or the people in our lives.
That we can create these deep spiritual relationships with
and be encouraged by and encourage
to create an accountability in which not out of guilt or shame or obligation, but out of love and relationship that we can walk through and encourage each other to grow in the good things that God has for us.
To remind us his truth whenever we maybe feel like we're far away from that truth. To help us partner with our deepest desires opposed to what may be the momentary strongest desire.
Help us be able to walk in this connected truth
that we can have those friends and that we can be those friends to others.
And Lord, when others come to us
as friends to unburden themselves, that we wouldn't feel the weight of like we need to have answers or that we need to correct or that we need to get the right, but instead that we can from that place of friendship extend your love and your goodness and your grace.
We thank you for everything you're doing.
We thank you for the opportunity to be known.
It's in your holy name we pray. Amen and amen.
All right church, well listen, next week. (Congregation Applauding)
Next week we're actually gonna shift gears a little bit. We're gonna be taking a look at our first practice, a deep dive and a practice. We're gonna be looking at, it's kind of a, it's got two names, generosity and stewardship. It's a really gonna be a profound time. So make sure you're here starting next week is gonna be a great time. We love you so much, you're dismissed. If you haven't got a chance to meet you, love to do so afterwards in the green room, have a great rest of your Sunday.
